DEPRESSED
I am always depressed and caught
Up with my family and parents,
They fight alot.
It kills me just to realize
How depressed i am inside
My mum and sister fight and pout
Then my sister just moves out
I know i'm not the only one
That's scared of what this might become
Mum and sis might never talk again
Which really screw up my brain
I'd be scared of fighting too
Because i know they don't just argue.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Yay! Express your feelings... nice enough!
I liked the stucture the most.. first six then four and at last two... (growing to little)
And a very common title...
Keep on writing!
Xia
I understand your feelings and they were expressed, but this wasn't very poetic. As a venting of emotions, I say good job. But as a poem, this definitely needs lots of work.
If you want to improve this as a poem, I suggest descriptive words and symbolic phrases.
Hope everything works out with your mom and sister
I can relate. And I'm going to tell you something and I don't know if you're going to believe me, but a friend of mine told me the same tale, and I didn't believe them until it happened; things will get better. It may take a while, but things will. One or both of them will grow up, or move out and when they're back they'll be nicer. And these terrible things that they may say and do to each other, they won't stay, they'll fall out and be washed away by the rain of time. It's okay, and it'll be okay, hard as that is to believe. *hugs*
[color=cyan]WOW that was really good. I can so not write poems; well I can write rude ones. Well done![/color]
I think this is awesome, you are talking about real life. Which is good. this comes straight from expierence and or your heart. Nice Job.
To be blunt: stereotypical, whiny, teenangst poetry. I don't want to minimize the value of your feelings if this is true, but I'm looking at this objectively as an almost-professional writer. There is no creativity in your use of language, no imagery, hardly any rhythm, an inconsistant rhyming scheme with words that seem like they were chosen for no other reason than they rhymed.
I don't normally want to tell people how to title their work, but in this case, you really need to kill the title. It is exactly the sort of title that will make people not want to read your work.